Hi, friends.
My name is Susanne and I'm a child of God, lover of Jesus, devourer of the Bible and a women in long-term recovery. As I'm writing this, I have seven sometimes hard, always beautiful and forever free years of recovery. Getting sober changed my life. God has dreamed huge dreams for me since I surrendered my life to Him. I would never have come up with the wonderful things He has brought me. Never. I just wouldn't have dreamed that big.
A few things about me:
I've always loved God. Even during the darkest years of my life, I loved Him. But now, I know Him. That has made such a difference in every way.
I was bound by addiction for 20 years. It's all over my family. Several family members have died. I have lived.
I was prescribed opiates for migraines in my early 30's. That turned my Addiction Switch on and as one of my early doctors told me, once that switch turns on, you'll never turn it off. I struggled with pain pills for over a decade until I finally broke free. I was warned to not drink alcohol at that point, but I was positive I would never have a problem with wine. Until I did. There went another ten years until the Father brought me to my knees and I finally surrendered. Once I did that, everything changed.
I do not call myself an addict or an alcoholic. I refuse to name myself the thing that the devil used to kill me. I was recovered and am in recovery.
I did not do AA, Celebrate Recovery or any other formal program. I strongly believe there are many roads to long-term recovery. Do what works for you. We all have different paths and that's okay. It's not our place to tell anyone else how to recover. It's our place to support, pray and offer encouragement.
At the beginning, I'm not sure I could go five minutes without thinking about The Thing. I was convinced I would not be happy without it. Couldn't live without it. Didn't know how to do that. But if you keep making the next right choice, that changes pretty quickly. All of a sudden, I wasn't thinking about The Thing that often. Then hardly at all. And now, never. Most days, I forget completely I'm in recovery. It never comes to mind. I tell people I'm in recovery if it's appropriate (and probably sometimes when it's not), and it's like saying I have blue eyes or two kids. It's no longer WHO I AM. It's just a tiny part of what makes me Susanne.
I have friends who were instantaneously healed from addiction. I was not. I prayed for it every day, but He didn't heal me that way. He was always there with me though, waiting for me to give in. Whenever I desperately cried out, He showed up. Then I went right back to doing it on my own. I went through it the long way, and now I'm glad I did. I have the experience, knowledge and memories to reach out and help someone else through it. If you're on fire, believe me, I'm coming with a bucket of water.
The beginning of recovery is hard. So hard. You're sick and sad and desperate and ashamed. You try and fail and try and fail. BUT, and this is 100% true, if you will keep going and keep doing the right thing, you will be victorious. It happens faster than you might think. Those hard days get better every morning. You just need to keep moving forward.
You do not have to live in the chains of addiction. You just don't. You can be free. You will have fun again. You will be well again. You will sleep through the night and wake up feeling amazing. You'll never have another hangover or go through withdrawals. You will find the YOU that God meant for you to be, and you will slowly pull back the veil of shame to reveal that you to the world.
I've started a Facebook group called The Recovered Christian. Come join if you need support or can offer support. If you need help, please check out the Resources page here or reach out to someone you trust. We don't reach out enough. I know it's hard, but there are people out there who want to help and who understand. You can also email me at susanne@holyrecovery.com or fill out the Contact page here.
Thank you for being here. My prayer is for all of us to be free and to find freedom in Christ. He sees you and loves you more than you know.
Be well,
Susanne
